Paragraph #1 Thesis Statement "I believe higher education is broken."
This sentence clearly states what position he has taken or what his thoughts are on college education. He firmly states that his position in this essay is that college is a waste of time.
Paragraph #2 & 3 He really basis his evidence on opinion. "It rewards conformity rather than independence, competition rather than collaboration, regurgitation rather than learning, and theory rather than application. Our creativity, innovation, and curiosity are schooled out of us."
"Failure is punished instead of seen as a learning opportunity. We think of college as a stepping-
Paragraph #4 The main evidence is finally provided that really supports the Thesis Statement. "In the book Academically Adrift, sociology professors Richard Arum and Josipa Roksa say that 36 percent of college graduates showed no improvement in critical thinking, complex reasoning, or writing after four years of college."
Paragraph #5 Strong Supporting Sentence for paragraphs #6 & #7. "Fortunately, there are productive alternatives to college."
Paragraph #8 Refutation of the opposing argument. "A major function of college is to signal to potential employers that one is qualified to work. The Internet is replacing this signaling function." He also used evidence to support his refute. "People are hiring on Twitter, selling their skills on Google, and creating personal portfolios to showcase their talent. Because we can document our accomplishments and have them socially validated with tools such as LinkedIn Recommendations, we can turn experiences into opportunity. As more and more people graduate from college, employers are unable to discriminate among job seekers based on a college degree and can instead hire employees based on their talents."
Paragraph #9 Stephens considers possible arguments against his thesis. "I do not think everyone should leave college, but I challenge my peers to consider the opportunity cost of going to class. If you want to be a doctor, going to medical school is a wise choice. I do not recommend keeping cadavers in your garage."
Paragraph #10 Concluding Statement. "We who take our education outside and beyond the classroom understand how actions build a better world. "
Appealing to the audience :
The author is trying to appeal to the audience in paragraph two and three by giving reasons as to why he left college. He used reasons that could possibly connect to the reader. He also made sure to give out a variety of reasons, not just one. In paragraph six he also sais "The success of people who never completed or attended college makes us question whether what we need to learn is taught in school." Trying to connect to the audience emotions. A lot of his essay was based on emotion and opinion.
As I was reading I could see that your thesis was clear and to the point. In fact we had the same thesis. Also I could see that you got right to the point and backed it up with what you found in the text. What I liked the most was that you where very organized and had what you wanted to say. Now, through out the paper I saw we had some of the same information. However, I could see throughout the paper, I could see that some topics we didn't agree on. For instance, I could see in paragraph 4 you used that 36% of college students didn't improve in critical thinking. For me I though go good pice of evidence was that the price of college was driving men and women away and not being successful at ah high level in their field. In addition, I could see that you and the writer shared a lot of emotions and felt the same way. For example, in paragraph 8 I could see that you had the same feelings and put yourself in their shoes. and of course we had the same conclusion in the last paragraph that summed up the essay. Over all I could see we had a lot of things in comma and a lot of differences and think you did a great job.
ReplyDeleteI don't really agree with the writer. He has reasons as to why HE thought higher education is broken but he didnt really give out many statistics or facts. He gave about two factual statistics in the essay. That didnt give me enough reason to agree with him. What I do agree with is when he starts talking about Doctors going to college or it depends on what major or what you are trying to do with your life. I strongly believe it ultimately relies on what you are going to college for.
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